ok...boring today...
was so bored at the fort sq...cuz alone mah...
n ended up entertaining myself with the spider that i found there..
hha..
so wuliao rite...
but what to do...
do work alone is boring one....

phew!
today damn bz...work from morn to evening without getting a chance to rest or slack abit...
ok except that one hr lunch break..
there's so many pple!!
melchers really earning big bucks man..
after work..saw qt a few nj pple...
heng nv c them at my workplace man..
saw this nj dance one on the mrt..
think she recog me but cannot confirm...haha..maybe cuz i cut hair lah..
ahhaha...
so it's actually a good thing to cut hair if u don't want pple to recog u..
haha..
as if pple want to recog me like that
hahaha....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
tried to login to check my nus status but cannot leh!!
so irritating...
my papa thinks that i shld put more choices..so have to change lah...
but cannot even login...
sianz....
muz be after 3 working days...
so i guess that's mon due to the good fri that we r having....
haiz...
ntu settled...
smu haven't yet leh...
haiz...have to think of essay again...
wonder if my essay for ntu ok not...
anyhow write one..
n my gp's like so lousy...don't know can make it notz...
haiz

what the hell for today...
did crowd control n kena scolded as usu by those stupid pple...
they always like to use the family reason to try to get in when we close the gates...
sux man...
scold n scold n scold..
goodness sake...it's juz a free show..
what do u expect...
if u want, go n book the whole thing lah....
whatever man...still dare to video me..think i stupid...
video lah...scared of u meh....
not as if i really need that job n the money...
can quit anytime...
n juz FYI, most of the sentosa staff r juz part timers...so if u complain juz complain lah cuz we not scared... cuz after a few mths we'll be gone...n most of us r juz students who got nothing to do...n that's y we r doing that job...
think we really care meh...
want to complain..i give u my name....spell for u...
cannot rem?? i give u the nametag..bring home for souvenir lah...
touch me...i call the police...think i don't dare...cuz that's what we do when u touch us
n even for those contract staff...they oso give a damn...
u think they really need that job?? hahha....
if pple really need a job to survive, they won't be doing this sentosa job!
use ur pea brain n think lah!
wah lau man...
n kena first time scolded by a jap...first time i c one so rude....
open the gate liao still scold me...use jap some more...think i don't know...
scold u back in ur lang lah...
if u want to scold me...say my lang...
let me know...
baka! as.shole!
(that's my reply to him!)

mmm..
ok...i'm a little bit dizzy...
think a bit drunk..haha..
first time like that...
maybe cuz this time i drank too fast n din eat my dinner b4 that..
n the one i bought was 10% alchohol..
so yah...
hahha....
watched jian gui today...
mmm...well still scary but it's really funny horrer movie...
got substance...not like some stupid movie like the sisters...

actually...
i really admire pple who r v brave..
not as in brave in doing like bungee jump or sky diving etc...
but pple who dare to say what they think n feel...
pple who dare to try even if they know that the chances of succeeding is actually lower...
i really admire such pple...
cuz i'm not one of them...
i'm a coward deep inside...
sometimes...i wish i juz have a little bit more courage...

actually i think my dajie loves me alot...
whenever i'm unhappy, she'll come n comfort me in her v own way...
at least i can feel it...
well, among the other members of my family...i can strongly feel the love n concern she has for me...
like..since i started working, i din manage to meet her cuz of the long working hrs...
but one day, she called n asked when i'll be back home cuz she haven't seen me for a long time n she said she missed me...
so nice....
haha......
i know my family care for each other..but we r a rather traditional chinese kind of family who won't express ourselves so explicitly kind of thing....
but dajie's a little different...at least since she married...maybe she matured or sth...
she'll come n "play" with her little sis...
she'll tickle pinch bite n do all sort of funny things to me...hahah...
even so...i like it...it's her way of showing that she loves her little sis....
i guess i juz need pple to do that...in a more obvious kind of way...
maybe cuz i'm too densed...haha

i really love dajie.....thou i'll nv say that rite in her face...she won't say that oso..
too mushy for family members...hah

ok..say sth happier..
yest..engkee brought me up to the machine room which is right at the top of the sky tower...
it's even higher than the cabin itself!
when we reached the top...have to climb into a tower thru a small hole...n the gap btw the cabin n the tower is so big!!
n if u look down u'll c how high u were....
but i was glad i made it in..
hah...
n i went all the way up...there they will hoist that carlsberg flag...
that place is damn great..it's not covered by anything...only railings...
i wished i could stay there longer...
think it'll help me stop thinking for a while.

i'm like thinking abt it every single moment...
how n what tools to use to break that damn wall....
i muz think of a solution quick!!
n i muz act fast!
if not i'll juz con't to be affected by it!
but how......................................................?

jimmy said...i've built that wall myself n only i can break it.



but how?

guess what...i'm still awake!! at this kind of hr....
well...had a talk with jimmy online....
mmmm...i guess i'm glad i talked to him...
i mean it din remove everything but definitely lighten...
i guess...n he's giving me solutions...oh my...
but anyway...thanks jimmy (even thou u don't have my blog add)

cc flew today..
so yup.
no feeling.

i don't understand y i'm writing so much these 2 days.
exposing myself to frens. to strangers. to e unknown.
blog. y am i writing in it?
writing so much so that others can read???
that's weird. ain't it suppose to be my so called diary??
i'm letting pple to read my thots?
i'm contradictory.

如果真的是这样子的话，那为何还要做这么虚伪的人?

"我只是因为想让人喜欢我， 所以才会温柔对人。。。
就跟因为想要加入大家，所以拿糖果给人的故事主角是一样的。
我只是为了自己而对人温柔。。。。。"

李圣杰--手放开

我把自己关起来只留下一个阳台
每当天黑推开窗我对着夜幕发呆
看着往事一幕一幕
再次演出你我的爱
我把电视机打开听着别人的对白
也许那些故事可以给我一个交代
你要的爱我学不来
眼睁睁看情变坏人怔怔看情感概
不能给你未来我还你现在
安静结束也是另一种对待
当眼泪流下来伤已超载
分开也是另一种明白
我给你最后的疼爱是手放开
不要一张双人床中间隔着一片海
感情的污点就留给时间慢慢漂白
把爱收进胸前左边口袋
最后的疼爱是手放开
不想用言语拉扯所以选择不责怪
感情就像候车月台有人走有人来
我的心是一个站牌写着等待
最后的疼爱是手放开
我把收音机打开听着别人的失败
啃咽的声音仿佛诉说着相同悲哀
你的依赖还在胸怀
我无法轻易推开我无法随便走开
感情中专心的人容易被伤害

sometimes i'm juz wondering if humans juz like to worry...they'll find things to worry abt....
haha...
well...at least i think i'm one of such person...
which is...bad.
sometimes i really wonder how come i'm such a moody person...
is it cuz i'm born like this?
is it cuz of my horoscope?
is it cuz of what my growing up environment that make me that?
is it cuz i choose to be one?
i dunno the ans. seriously.
sometimes, i don't want to feel so moody..
i tried to control it but sometimes it juz don't work..really..i did try..
but many pple don't think i did...
how?
cuz they don't understand how it's to be me..
to be struggling with myself...
to try to be a more cheerful person...
pple don't understand that the moodiness juz come whenever it feels like...n it's beyond my control...
yah..they don't understand..n i guess nv will...unless they r like me.

ok....mmm...talk abt what i did the last few days...
hah...
qt havoc...
thurs nite after work: kbox with ys xs ch n kat from 11pm to 3 am (mad but satisfying!! cuz v long time nv go there liao...hahah)
fri: reached home at 630am...wanted to bathe first but er jie had to go to work so have to let her use the bathroom first...n so i fell asleep on the sofa til 10 plus...bathed...finished the adrian mole's diary n fell asleep again til 5 plus...ate dinner n packed my bag n went to ch hse to stayover with the class...do the usu things, mahjong, bridge, vcd blah blah blah...
sat: went to nus open hse which i think it's such a waste of time...whatever n then went ice skating!!!well it's my first time!! haha so paiseh...actually fell down 8 times...ahah...cuz trying to go faster n faster...when i don't even know how to turn or brake properly...haha...but i enjoy it....
that's all...
at least feel that i got life....
but oso feel that i've not been home for v long...hahah...ok...shld do sth...
mm..
n muz think abt my uni courses too...
reminded frequently by shaiful...haha...better think if not he'll nag...

mm...sometimes...when i c those kind-hearted souls featured on tv...i really admire them...
they have so much determination to help others...
i mean really help n putting all their effort in helping pple who r less fortunate...
sometimes..i really feel inspired by these pple..but then..haha...i guess i'm still a kid..
it's sth like san fen zhong ri du n li bu cong xin...
.......................................................................................................

results day!!!!!
ok...i'm really contented n happy....
cuz i did better than expected!!!
esp my econs man....but it turned out the other way!!! really surprised me!!!
so yup.. real happy abt it...
anyway...met the class in the morn at kap for breakfast....
thot kao was coming but nah...she din...she has a habit of pangseh-ing us... *oops* XP
our original plan was to go crash lect in our full grey after breakfast but then in the end everyone too paiseh to change to uni....haiz...so sad..if not shld be qt fun what..haha...
so in the end went kat's hse to play mahjong..hah..n some played cards....imagine we still got mood to do that....hahah...
n by one we were in sch....
actually....the weird thing is i din really felt nervous or what until the v pt when i was queueing for the result slip...
usu i will not be able to sleep well n keep dreaming etc...
but this time don't have leh....so weird
so....went to watch hitch after that...really funny show...hahah...but maybe not v worth that 8.5 bucks...
but nvm...
n then dinner at thai express n then went to take neoprints!!
hahha...v long nv take liao...
but so fun!!
it's so seldom that the class will stay out so late...haha...
but too bad that ys is so workaholic...after movie muz rush to work...
a bit siao siao...hahah....
oh...but muz thank her for doing their class relay thingy...it's so nice!!!!
the photo's is damn good!!!
n i'm guilty cuz i'm suppose to help her do that but i din....XP

mmm...forgot to write sth else abt monday...the day i met the hk couple..
anyway...was going to work as usu...was walking at the harbourfront interchange when a sbs bus driver who was walking towards me pointed to my back n told me that someone fainted...
he thot that woman's my fren..
i turned ard n saw this woman lying on the floor flat...
so i went over n take a look....
think she's really feeling v miserable....
n she asked for a sweet...
so i asked ard other passerbys if they have any n a guy offered some...
then i helped that woman to the bench...
she's actually have diabetes...n she need to hurry home to take her insulin....
think she's late...that's y she fainted....
i oso dunno what to do at that pt of time man...
was wondering if i shld give her money to take a cab or what.....
or at least help her to the bus stop or sth...
but she told me she's alright n told me to go....
then i went off liao...cuz i'm like abit shock n helpless....cuz i really dunno what to do man....
then saw her getting up from the bench n walking off....
n she can't even walk properly....
but i saw her made it to the bus stop lah....
actually when i was helping her...don't rem who came rd to help too...
only rem that guy who offered the sweets...
the bus driver went off after telling me that she fainted... thot he'll help too...but.....*shrugs*
actually there was qt a lot of pple waiting for the sentosa bus but many juz stood where they were n looked at me n the woman.....
i dunnno it's cuz they saw me n that guy helping already or they juz afraid to get into trouble themselves or they themselves r oso shocked that they r rooted to their positions....
mmmm........
well...it's the first time that i encounter such a thing.....actually maybe if that woman din faint behind me...maybe i'll won't help oso...
actually it came across my mind that the woman might be trying to cheat or what...
but it's v bad to think that way rite....
cuz i think she's really ill....

mmm..after tmr...i'll have 3 off days!!
muz plan what to do...if not v boring...
anyway...
i met a 50+ hk couple today...they came to the sky tower at night...
so i went up with only the 2 of them...so instead of using the mic n making the usual commentry, i juz talked to them...
both of them r v nice...n i find that auntie v warm n friendly...got qing he li..
haha..
n then guess what? i met them again after work on the bus...at first din notice them until nathra told me...then the uncle recognised me, told his wife n when i alighted at the ranger, they waved to me!!!
n then...i met again in the mrt....hahah so you yuan...
talk to them abit...
hahah...
i always like this kind of thing...meeting someone nice a few times within an hr...
n i'll juz wonder how such things can occur man...
i'm always amazed by how pple from different places, esp from diff ctries can juz meet each other n juz cliqued at first sight...as thou they know each other liao...n that's what i feel abt that hk auntie.....haha...puzzling man...but amazing...
fate...maybe